It has been such an emotional week.
Last Friday, we headed to the hospital as I had some bleeding and stomach pain, only to be sent back home cause I was not dilated enough, baby was high and contraction have stalled. My gynae said it will be 1 or 2 days more.
Four days went by, still no change. There were on and off pain that caused me to throw up and have diarrhea. Still, there was no intense pain that my gynae told me to watch out for.
Yesterday, during my internal checkup, my gynae was surprised that baby was still high and I have not dilated since last Friday. Upon conducting ultrasound, it showed the baby’s head was sitting at the top of my pelvis. The baby’s head is too big for my pelvis, making vaginal birth almost impossible.
Being a pro-natural, my gynae gave me an option to be induced and wait if natural labour can occur. Likelihood it won’t and it will cause the baby to be stress and emergency caesarian will have to be perform eventually. However, if I were to come mentally prepared to undergo elective caesarian, I will not have to go through the long labour pain and will be able to avoid being tired and unnecessary distress.
When I first heard the word caesarian from my gynae, I felt my world just crumbling down. The thing is, I cannot accept failure, at anything. Every test, every exam, every challenge, every assignment, I do not fail.
And yet there it was, Childbirth. Apparently the most natural thing in the world for women and I failed.
I felt a complete sense of disappointment. I went to the ladies and cried. I began to start thinking back on what went wrong.
Luckily, Faiz was there and focused on what went right instead. For almost 10 long months, I had nurtured a healthy little baby having a good weight and has head size which my gynae called “brainy”.
I sought advise from friends and cousins. Thank you guys for the encouragement.
If caesarian is the best and only way, I will obliged. At least, I know I will birth her with love, and with absolute consideration for her health and well-being.
Motherhood is so much more than how the baby is born. No one has any right to tell me how I should have given birth. Every single baby has their own birth story.
See you very soon little N.